Trigger warning: contains content surrounding depression and mental health
I used to be the loudest kid in my class.
Always talking to my friends, talking over others and talking back.
I was the most outgoing one, the most chatty one, the most crazy one.
You know, I spent my childhood screaming...
But I never truly realized why.
As I grew older, my voice began to fade
I stopped talking to my friends
I stoped talking over others
And I stopped talking back.
I grew fearful of the consequences that may result from using my own voice & I was scared of getting in trouble for speaking my own truth. Throughout my childhood I was taught to say “yes ma’am”
To never burden others with your problems, and to never ever disagree with someone older than you, smarter than you, stronger than you.
That very voice that I used to use so fearlessly was ripped away from my youthful body & I was left to solve problems on my own. But I was never taught how to do that.
So there I was, left with no tools, no voice, and no help.
I feel for that little girl..
Scared
Alone
Silenced
All she wanted was someone to notice
To notice that she was struggling
To notice she had no voice let
To notice she lost all her friends
To notice she hated her own life
To notice the pink nuce hanging in her closet...
We’re lucky she made it out alive
But merely surviving is not good enough
So little by little she began to take her voice back
She stood up to her teachers, she stood up to her parents, and she even stood up to the church.
That little girl finally found her voice again and she wouldn’t let anyone take it away this time
But she didn’t quite it out unscathed
She still had to live with the trauma of not being able to say no in those moments when it mattered the most.
The times she wasn’t able to ask for help when it was the 1 thing she needed.
The times she sat back and let people treat her like shit, because she had no voice to stop them.
The world took away her voice.
But she, she took it back.
-The oh, so Joyful Times with Jess
Comments